


How Do I Love Thee?

by prattery



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2014-06-28
Packaged: 2018-02-06 14:13:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1860975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prattery/pseuds/prattery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Let me count the ways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Do I Love Thee?

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first attempt at writing a stevebucky fic, unbeta'd and done impulsively in one sitting, because i was high on stevebucky feels

I.  
It’s in the way the Winter Soldier recognized Steve, at first, that day on the bridge, where everything stopped and everything began. He broke through decades of HYDRA brainwashing by saying Bucky’s name, and even though the Winter Soldier didn’t remember him yet, his name on Steve’s lips rang recollection through him like bells, setting off various alarms in his head about how none of this was right.

II.  
After that, it’s in the way the Winter Soldier didn’t kill Steve on the helicarrier, even though everything began anew and he was a clean slate with nothing but red and murder written on it. They all knew that if he really wanted to kill Steve, he would, and it would only take one shot, aimed between his eyes, perhaps—but instead, the Winter Soldier fired three times, none of them truly fatal and only served to slow Steve down. 

It’s in the way Steve refused to kill the Winter Soldier even though there was nothing of Bucky left in those cold, dead eyes of his, and would rather let himself be killed than lift a finger against the memory of a dear friend. And when Steve fell, perhaps it was Bucky who jumped after Steve and not the Winter Soldier—the way Steve didn’t.

And even though the Winter Soldier didn’t remember Steve, Bucky knew Steve. The Winter Soldier and Bucky Barnes were two natures intertwined that coexist, and in that moment it was Bucky’s compassion that shone through, leading him to fish Steve’s limp, bleeding body out of the water and bring him ashore, and not leaving Steve ashore until he was sure that Steve was breathing.

 

III.  
Steve travelled all the way across the world and back with Sam standing fast by his side, to try and regain his bestfriendbrothereverything. The chances that they would find the Winter Soldier was minuscule at best—well, there was a reason why he was a ghost—but it wouldn’t stop Steve from storming out one place and into another looking for Bucky.

IV.  
Bucky was a wreck when he regained his memories, when he realized the true extent of the change and damage he had brought to the world. He let himself be locked up in a SHIELD facility and lets SHIELD question him, and in the beginning, he flat out refuses to see Steve. It would be a lie to say that Steve was okay with this decision, that he wasn’t hurt, but he would do anything, literally anything, if that meant that Bucky would start healing. And if Bucky chose to heal without him, then be it. (Anything to help, really.)

It wasn’t until a year later that Bucky sought Steve out.

In the time between, Bucky tried to find himself, and SHIELD was not so unkind that they would not let Bucky rediscover who he was, although they allowed it with the slightest reluctance and a band of highly trained agents to trail him. They were covert enough to give a regular person the illusion that they were alone, but not the Winter Soldier. They gave him enough space though, and for this, Bucky was thankful.

It was in this journey that it really sunk in how intertwined his life was with Steve’s before that eventful fall from the train, and it didn’t sit right with him that he was there, standing before the old building where he used to live, but without Steve by his side, but the guilt piled upon his shoulders, the shame, and the deeply held conviction that Steve deserved better kept him from seeking Steve out. 

What it took was a near-successful attempt on Steve’s life (one inch to the left and he would have been gone), and Bucky stormed into the medical facility like a tornado, a force of nature to be reckoned with, ignoring every “Sir, you are not authorized—“ (he could’ve sworn that he heard a female voice, Natalia’s perhaps, saying “Let him,”) and tearing down to Steve’s side. 

When Bucky caught sight of Steve, first, his breath hitched.

Most of the damage was hidden by a threadbare hospital gown, but what made his heart clench was the fact that this punk stayed just as stupid even a century later, not taking a good care of himself. Steve’s cheeks were more sunken now than they were the last time Bucky saw him, so obviously thinner and with an unhealthy pallor (but the bullet that was lodged between his ribs probably had something to do with this). He had dark circles under his eyes. Second, Bucky was angry that no one took the time to really care for Steve (did they only care about Captain America, and not the man behind the mask?). 

He reached out a finger to brush Steve’s fringe away from his forehead and froze when Steve’s eyes snapped open the moment his finger touched Steve’s skin. 

“Bucky?”

Bucky fought the urge to flinch and run when Steve’s blue eyes focused on his and forced his lips to quirk slightly upward. “Hey, Stevie.”

Steve smiled, earnest and hopeful and gorgeous. “Hey, Buck.” He rasped, eyes slipping back closed, so content and trusting in the presence of an assassin that Bucky’s heart did a little flip in his ribcage.

Bucky let his touch trail before dropping his hand. He braced himself for leaving again, but Steve’s voice stopped him, saying, “Please don’t leave again.”

The next time Steve woke, Bucky was there.

(It was only after Steve completely healed that Bucky turned to him, angry, and proceeded to thoroughly chew him out for not looking after himself.)

V.  
In all their eagerness to help Bucky cope with his bloody past, people tend to forget that Steve, too, had his own ghosts to battle with. Steve could be so stoically accepting when it came to his own pains, convincing others that it was all right and getting them to think that everything was fine when everything was not. He always hid it so well, and Bucky kind of hated him for this, because it made it even harder for people to actually help him. This is how history repeated itself; how Bucky decided that Steve’s new friends couldn’t take good enough care of Steve leaving Bucky and Steve to cling to each other for anchors, helping each other like they always had been.

Slowly, Bucky regained himself.

VI.  
Bucky and Steve didn’t always sleep like this, apart except for their touching fingertips, but they could never resist each other very long and quickly slip into old habits (that is to say, cuddling).

VII.  
There is something in the little things they do.

It’s in the way Steve knows to coax Bucky awake from his night terrors that would come every so often with sweet whispered comforting words and not to touch him right after he woke. 

It’s in the way Bucky knew to hold Steve when Steve was the one shaking silently from a nightmare, to gently shake him into awareness, and both of these occurrences would end up the same way, with Bucky’s head pillowed on Steve’s chest, right over his heart, and letting the strong, regular heartbeat lull him into oblivion, Steve’s arm curled around Bucky, having each other near and safe and away from danger. 

It’s in the way they are always drawn to each other, like moth drawn to light. No matter where they are, they are always with the constant awareness of each other, always knowing where the other is.

It’s in the way their eyes meet in seemingly random moments, and sometimes they would laugh. Sometimes Bucky would leer, causing Steve to duck his head and blush, and it’s good to know that some things still don’t change.

It’s in the way they kiss, chaste and fleeting or deep and passionate, sweet or rough or both at the same time and this is how they fall in love, over and over again.

(This is not the end of the line, this is another beginning.)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for letting me share!  
> (please be gentle it's my first time)


End file.
